Who said linux wasn’t funny?

Revealed by sykora within Stuff on October 13th, 2008

This doesn’t look funny at first sight, not the least when you read it in a black and white terminal as one usually reads manpages. But once it sinks in, damn is it good!

GROPE(1)                                                              GROPE(1)

NAME
       grope, egrope, fgrope - massage a file for a while

SYNOPSIS
       grope [option] ...  expression [file] ...
       egrope [option] ...  [expression] [file] ...
       fgrope [option] ...  [strings] [file]

DESCRIPTION
       Commands  of  the  grope  family search the input files (standard input
       default) for lines matching a pattern.  Some of the lines matching this
       pattern  will be sent to standard output.  Others will not.  Grope pat-
       terns are limited expressions in the style of mumps(1); it uses a  com-
       pact  nondeterministic  n-depth multidimensional negative feedback ora-
       cle/bag-automata algorithm  with  mudflaps,  foam  dice,  and  dimples.
       Egrope  works  only  in  Europe.  Fgrope uses FM to locate strings.  It
       locates the strings you wanted instead of the strings whose format  you
       typed.  The following options are recognized.

-v     Verbose -- Pipes output to DOCTOR or ELIZA.

       -x     Extract -- Removes errors from C programs.  (fgrope only).

       -c     No CTRL/C -- Ignores all signals.

       -l     Long   --   Executes   sleep(10)  between  each  character  read
              (Default).

       -n     Nroff -- Searches NROFF text and deletes random macro calls.

       -b     Block Mode -- Swaps arbitrary block offsets in inodes.

       -i     Italian -- Searches for Italian equivalent of patterns.

       -s     Stinker mode.  On 4.2BSD, pipes output to mail -s  teehee  msgs.
              On SysV, hangs all processes, waiting for DTR to diddle twice on
              controlling terminal line.

       -w     Wait -- Waits for next reboot (implies -c).

       -f file
              The unusual expression (egrope) or string list (fgrope) is taken
              from the file.  The file is replaced with /dev/swap.

       Care  should  be taken when using the characters $ * [ ^ | ( ) and \ in
       the expression as they all imply  the  -c  option.   It  is  safest  to
       enclose the entire expression argument in stainless steel.

       Fgrope is a crock.

       Egrope is a box to put the crock in.  It is padded with these non-tool-
       ish ``features'':

              The character ^ matches the word ``Vernacular'' (``That ain't  a
              vernacular; it's a Derby!'').

              The character $ matches on payday.

              A  .   (period)  matches  nothing.  Period.  So there.  And your
              little dog, too.

              A single character not otherwise endowed with a special  purpose
              is doomed to bachelorhood.

              A string enclosed in brackets [] is kinky.

              Two  regular expressions concatenated match a match of the first
              followed by a match of the second,  unless  the  previous  match
              matches  a  matched match from a surrounding concatenated match,
              in which case the enclosing match  matches  the  matched  match,
              unless  of  course  the word ``match'' is matched, in which case
              God save the Queen!

              Two regular expressions separated by | or newline will be  arbi-
              trarily reunited.

              A regular expression enclosed in parentheses ignites a match.

              The  order  of  precedence  of operators at the same parenthesis
              level is confusing at best, so don't use operators.

       Ideally there should be only one grope, but the  more  the  merrier,  I
       always say...

SEE ALSO
       Raiders(1), StarWars(1), Plan9(0l), Boy+Dog(1)

DIAGNOSTICS
       Returns (int)"You're Screwed" if it returns at all.

BUGS
       NO-PEST strip searches are slow.

                                11 August 1980                        GROPE(1)

This manpage (and more) can be found as part of the Funny Manpages Project at packages.debian.org. If you’re not using debian, you should be able to find them in your repos, or on the net somewhere.

Tags: ,

Leave a Reply

Powered by Wordpress, valid XHTML and CSS. Original theme by Themelab, modifications by me.
Gatekeeper